When things change.

I am here at school sitting down listening to Tegan & Sara 's "Where does the Good Go?"and I can't help but think of a certain person. It's bizarre to think so much of him because we honestly never were anything but he was so much to me that it was something.  I never kissed the guy, never did anything with him. But I did spend so much time with him. I shared cups of coffee, cups of tea, music, life stories, laughs, nights, days; so much. And for what? We don't even talk anymore like we used to.
Here is where  I screwed up but I didn't really. I left to Paris and didn't talk to him while I was over there. Since him and I were never anything, and we never told each other how we felt about one another, we both continued with our lives.  See it was this thing where we didn't have to say how we felt, it was just so apparent to everyone. I hardly even wanted to admit it to myself that I had this major liking for this guy! But I did. I would constantly have internal fights with myself on whether I should tell him how I felt. I figured, if he wanted to tell me how he felt, he could have; so with that being said, I never said anything.  Yeah stupid me i know. But not really. He could be considered the stupid one as well.
So when I left to Paris, it was the Summer. He found someone. He gained a girlfriend, I lost a friend.
I thought that I would be heartbroken by the news. Especially since I had to find out by someone else. But I wasn't so much. I was sad and think of it still, but my reaction was more hurt. I was hurt because he is such a great person.He is so much of what I wanted and now he's everything I don't have. Man it sucks but I know its life.  I try my best to avoid him now. We go to the same school and I haven't seen him since I found out. I don't know why I'm doing this, I just don't want to see him and make it awkward.  I felt disappointed because I saw myself with him. I still do and that hurts as well. We get along so great. I just don't see why he isn't with me.
I wish I could have him back as a great friend. Fuck if we're not in a relationship, I just want that bond we used to have. We used to tell each other so much and now we sit in awkward silence. It's disturbing. I don't want anything to do with that. I don't know how I could possibly make it good between us. I feel I just have to be away from him until my feelings subside. Cause even seeing his face can remind me of so many things that I would love to get over.